You’re pregnant! Congratulations! You have a lot of work ahead of you to set your child up for success. Every parent wants the best life for their kids. You have a lot of choices to make. Which childbirth method is the best? Breastfeed or bottle? Is it too soon to think about the baby’s college fund? One of the most important decisions you will make as parents is the name you select for your bundle of joy.
Thanks to the internet, you have unlimited resources to help you, starting with the top 50 or 100 baby names for the current year; here is just one of a zillion online sources. Be sure to check names from many years or decades ago for hidden gems; after all, many “old” names are new again. Check out this article about the most popular boy and girl names from the last 100 years.
I have established a dozen rules to help you choose your baby’s name. If you follow these baby naming rules, you will set your child up for a lifetime of success – or at least much less name-related frustration. My thesis is that the name you choose for your baby should be easy to spell, easy to pronounce, and hard to mess up. You don’t need to choose this kind of name to make everyone else’s life easier, but it would be kind to choose a name that will make your child’s life easier.
Wait. Who empowered this random guy on the internet to make rules about baby names? I’m just a dad and grandfather (born in 1964) with strong opinions about this subject (like an old guy screaming for the kids to get off my lawn). Take it or leave it. But please hear me out, because I do have your child’s best interest at heart. My goal is to provide good sense and thorough resources to parents who are doing some serious soul searching for baby naming advice. If you have lost sleep because you are afraid you might mess up your baby’s name, then you have come the right place. Settle in; it will take a while if you read every link I’ve included to support my opinions. There are no ads or clutter. I’m not trying to sell anything here except good advice.
I’m not the only one with opinions on this topic. Popular internet writer Tim Urban has thought a lot about baby names. His exceptional comprehensive article makes great points about how baby names become popular and then fade over time, like the name Jennifer. If you only have time to read just one link, this is the one. The graphics he uses are fun and fascinating. In his article, Tim also references the Baby Name Finder | Mom.com, which provides the history of names. It’s an excellent tool to use for baby names you are considering. Another interesting resource is this article, which lists names that are illegal in some places; these names are best avoided for many good reasons.
Now that I’ve qualified myself as being well-intended, let’s get into some rules for baby naming success.
Baby Naming Rule Number 1
Pick a Name Your Child Won’t Have to Spell to Most Marginally Intelligent People
Giving your baby a unique or trendy or oddly spelled name is not just overrated, it is cruel. This does not mean you have to pick a boring name, but please be practical. If you name your son Andrew, he will rarely have to spell it. If his last name is Cencebaugh, he’ll have to spell that a lot, so give your kid a break on his first name. Also, please resist the temptation to be “creative” with name spellings so your child doesn’t have to spell their name nearly every day of his/her life (such as Emmaleah vs Emily).
Even traditional names can be tricky. A Biblical name like “Zaccheus” might be making a comeback if you are trying to give you son a unique name (said no one ever). Most people have no idea how to spell it, though. By the time your handsome boy is 10, he’ll finally blow: “It’s Z-A-C-C-H-E-U-S for the millionth time! Forget it! Just call me Zack!”
Do you love your child? If yes, then give your baby a name that is easy to spell and pronounce – and not too odd. My line of work is customer service. Every day, all day, I ask people for their name. We run credit checks so names must be documented precisely. I frequently have to ask customers how to spell their name. If the caller is Michael Jones, I don’t have to ask how to spell it unless he says “My name is Michael Jones, spelled M Y K H A E L.” It’s a good thing I am on the phone and not face to face because I roll my eyes every time I hear an abomination like this.
I spend a lot of extra time when customers have to spell their name. I wish I had a nickel for every time I asked: “Is that Cathy with a C or with a K, or is that Theresa with or without an H,” or “do you spell your name Cheryl or Sheryl,” Tracy or Traci, Lori or Laurie? Please avoid names with unusual spellings; your child will thank you later. Brittani looks cute on paper, but changing the traditional “y” to an “i” ensures a lifetime of spelling her name. A girl named Mary rarely encounters any frustration with her name because most people know how to spell it (unless you spell it “Mari” – don’t get me started).
When my wife and I watch TV and we hear an unusual name, one of us will speak up and say, “Were his parents mad at him?” If you are a Starbucks barista, you have free reign to be as ridiculous as you want with names – the more outrageous the better. They misspell names on purpose hoping you will show it on social media; bad name spelling is good for business. Parents: You are not a Starbucks barista! Do not be casual or funny about this; naming your son Cian might be trendy, but it is not kind to your child.
If you name your kid “Flint” or “Apple,” they may not have to spell it very often, but the novelty of a unique name will wear off quickly and your child will likely be made fun of in school.
Your child is going to endure a lifetime of challenges and frustrations. Your child’s name should not be one of them.
Baby Name Rule Number 2
If Your Phone Does Not Recognize Your Potential Baby Name, Then Pick Another Name
If the name you are considering is not recognized by your phone in a text message (or an email, a Word Doc, or any other technology that has a spell check), move on. For example, type “Madesyn” in a text message and your phone replaces it with “Madelyn.” If you want your daughter to be named Madison, then choose the most common spelling (see Rule #1).
Do you want to name your son Jackson? Great. Solid name! Use the common spelling. Don’t try to be hip and unique by spelling it “Jaxsun.” You are setting up your son for a lifetime of frustration. Over the phone, no one will ever guess how to spell Jaxon, Jaxson, Jaxen, Jaxxon, Jassen, Jaxyn, Jaxsyn, Jaxin, Jaxxyn, Jaxxyn, Jacksin, Jackxon, Jacxon, Jacksyn, Jaxan, Jaxun, Jassxon, Jaxzen, or Jaxzyn. Check out these obnoxious spellings of popular baby names and spare your child having one of them.
Baby Naming Rule Number 3
Some Names Come with Negative Baggage; Do Your Homework and Choose Wisely
In the 1880’s, Adolf was a very popular baby name. After Adolf Hitler ruined the name in the 1940’s, no one names their son Adolf anymore. Wise choice! Be aware of any bad connections to any name.
Many popular names have Biblical roots, but may not be kind choices. For example, please don’t name your son Cain; he killed his brother Abel. I probably would not choose Abel, either; he was killed by his brother Cain. Don’t choose a Biblical name unless you know the full story behind the name. Delilah and Jezebel have scandalous backgrounds. Do you really want your kid to hear the sordid details associated with their namesake their whole life from people who don’t have a filter?
Also consider other name associations. Did you know that Luna, Bella, Charlie, Cooper, Lucy, Max, and Daisy are among the top 10 names . . . for dogs?
Baby Naming Rule Number 4
Both Parents Have to “Turn Your Key” and Agree on the Baby’s Name
I really wanted to name my firstborn daughter Stacy, but my wife knew a Stacy she didn’t like in high school, so that name was a hard NO for her. Once we found “Rachel” in a baby naming book, that was it. We both “turned the key” yes to that name. If it was only up to me, our second daughter Megan (which we have discovered can be spelled a bunch of unusual ways) would have been named Wendy, but my wife would not turn her key. We kept looking until we agreed on a name.
If the two of you are miles apart on baby names, then consider the advice of SiriusXM Radio personality Dr. Laura Schlessinger. She talked about this on her program in February of 2022. She advises each parent to write down their top 25 names in order of preference. Then you meet and read the names to each other back and forth, one by one starting from the top of each list. You agree ahead of time that the name you go with is the first name that appears on both of your lists (again, you read your list in order of preference). If you have no matches, then go back to work. Do this again when you both have another 25 potential names until you agree on one.
Baby Naming Rule Number 5
Pick a Name that Matches Your Beliefs About Gender
If you skip the gender reveal party because you believe that your child should someday choose their own gender, then it makes a lot of sense to choose a gender-neutral name. Taylor, Casey, Hayden, Dakota, Morgan, Jordan, and Dana are just a few gender-neutral names to get you started. Here is one of many articles featuring gender-neutral names.
On the other hand, if you a bit more traditional (like me), then you might want to avoid gender-neutral names and also have a fun (and safe) gender reveal party. If you do, please take it easy on the pyrotechnics. This gender reveal party was held in September 2020 less than 10 miles from my home and made world-wide news when things went horribly wrong.
Keep in mind that naming a girl with a traditional boy’s name, and vice versa, may seem cool, but your child is the one who has to live with the way people react to it. Naming a girl Michael or James or Glenn or Daryl may only be cute to you, but can cause confusion with everyone else. Naming a boy Leslie or Stacy or Lindsay may work for some celebrities, but may be met with sneers on the playground.
Baby Naming Rule Number 6
Don’t Give Your Child a Name that Someone in Your Home Already Has
My daughter Megan married Jimmy (James). He’s the fifth James in a row. When God blesses them someday with a son, they will certainly not break this long tradition. In many cultures, it is common for the first-born son to be named after the father. If you are not the fifth James in a row, then allow me to suggest a few practical reasons to avoid naming your son after his father.
My best friend in high school was Chuck. His dad was also named Chuck (both Charles on the birth certificate, both went by Chuck). In the 70’s when I called him on the phone, his mom would be confused (like she hasn’t had this call a million times already). She would pause and then ask me “Big Chuck or Little Chuck?” I’m pretty sure my friend did not appreciate being referred to as “Little Chuck.”
If you choose to break this rule, then at least go with a completely different middle name so that you have different initials. Or honor a family member by making that name your child’s middle name. You don’t want your child to wreck your credit if your kid has bad credit and the credit bureaus can’t tell you apart because your names are exactly the same. Junior (Jr) or Senior (Sr) adds another layer of unnecessary complexity as explained here.
I recently shared my baby naming advice with a friend at work. She and her husband were considering naming their son after the baby’s father, Justin. They followed my advice; their newborn son was named Nolan. Excellent choice! There’s already a Justin living there. When someone in that house shouts for Justin, only one person will respond.
Baby Naming Rule Number 7
Avoid Names That Have Been Ruined by Big Tech, a Hurricane, or Pop Culture
Alexa – Amazon introduced Alexa in 2014, and people give this name orders daily. It has ruined this beautiful name for many people; and many people with the name are teased regularly.
Katrina – A devasting 2005 category 5 hurricane that took a direct hit on New Orleans.
Karen – Now synonymous with entitled white women.
Brandon – The name got wrecked in October 2021 – Let’s Go Brandon!
Baby Naming Rule Number 8
Avoid First/Last Name Sound Collisions (Include Nicknames that Go with the Name) & Cutesy Combos
Sometimes first and last names just don’t sound good together, so say a first name option – and its nickname – out loud with the last name. Does it sound smooth or goofy? Here are a few name collisions (pay attention to the sound of the letters, not the letters themselves):
- Michael King is not a name collision, but Mike King is a huge collision of K sounds between the first and last name. Said quickly together, it sounds like “My King.” Anytime I hear my co-worker Mike King give his name on the phone, he always pauses between his first name and last name; the pause softens the collision. If Mike’s parents had named him Thomas King, the name collision would be avoided.
- Jim Miller (the author’s name) – You have the same M sound at the end of my first name Jim and the start of my last name Miller. One of my nicknames is “Jimiller!” which pokes fun at the name collision. My parents considered naming me John Miller, which some may consider boring or outdated, but John Miller has no name collision at all.
- Silas Sincek – Pick a different first name with no S sounds since the last name has two S sounds.
- Cutesy combos can be cruel – A friend knows someone named Candy Kane. Just – please don’t.
Baby Naming Rule Number 9
Choose a Name That Does Not Require an App to Instruct Someone How to Pronounce It
Your child’s name will someday need to be read over a loudspeaker by someone who doesn’t know him or her, so don’t make it easy to butcher. For example, every kid will have some sort of graduation ceremony; smart kids may have multiple graduation ceremonies in their lifetime. Make it easy for an employee of the school to read your child’s full name over the sound system. You want a name that has rhythm and sounds great. I bet nobody misread Taylor Swift’s name along her road to fame. Take another look at Baby Naming Rule Number 8 in this context. The person reading your kid’s name won’t botch the pronunciation if the name is easy to pronounce without the need to spell the name phonetically. For example: Raul Gonzalez: rah-OOL gon-SAH-les
Baby Naming Rule Number 10
Protect Your Child from Workplace Name Discrimination, Grade School Bullies, and Internet Trolls
Name discrimination is a thing when a name indicates age, ethnicity, or even gender. Be aware that name discrimination can hurt your child’s chances to get hired when they search for a job.
Another form of name discrimination is bullying or teasing, especially in grade school. While it’s true that mean kids can twist any name into something humiliating, do not make it easy for them. Avoid giving your child a name that will make your kid an easy mark for bullies.
Also watch out for initials that make your child an easy mark for bullies. A family member with the first name Barbara and the middle name Marie preferred to go by Barbara Ann Marie to avoid the initials BM (bowel movement). The name Paula Odette Olson sounds pretty, but not so much when you pare it down to the initials. Here’s a whole list of unfortunate initials to avoid; it’s hilarious!
In Corporate America, James Miller’s work email might be JMILLER@insertcompanyhere.com. But poor Samantha Hart’s work email is SHART@insertcompanyhere.com according to this article: https://www.upworthy.com/funny-names.
The internet is a popular place for name-bashing where they say the quiet part out loud. On Facebook, I found my people. “That name is a Tragedeigh 2.0,” a group where members share oddly spelled names, then mock them endlessly. https://www.boredpanda.com/funny-unique-names-tragedeigh/ provides many examples of unfortunate baby names that are begging to be mocked.
A similar Facebook group is “That name isn’t a tragedeigh, it’s a murghdyrr” Don’t give your kid a ridiculous name that ends up being ridiculed in groups like these.
Baby Naming Rule Number 11
Think of the First name as the President, and the Middle Name as the Vice President
In the United States, if the President can no longer serve, the Vice President takes over. You need to have a solid middle name that meets all of my baby naming rules. If your child’s first name is ruined by big tech, a hurricane, or pop culture (see Baby Name Rule 7), your child might abandon their first name for many different reasons. You need a solid middle name that is a strong contender. They might go by a nickname or their middle name instead. If your kid’s first name gets ruined (like Alexa) or your offspring just doesn’t care for their first name, then pick a great middle name that is ready to serve if the first name is no longer acceptable. Here is a thoughtful article all about middle names.
My dad was named Alfred Duane Miller after his grandfather. The strange thing is that his parents never intended to call him Alfred (or Al). Someone stopped by to visit the newborn and commented “what a corker” and he became known as Corky for his first 20 years. Many of his classmates had no idea his real name was Alfred. If you are going to honor a family member by using their name but you are not wild about it, then consider using the family name as the middle name.
By the way, it was good that my dad liked the nickname Corky. Some nicknames aren’t welcome. Some parents are not fans of nicknames and will correct friends and family who refer to Jennifer as Jenny or Jen. According to this article, there is probably no such thing as a name that is immune from nicknames. Shorter names are better so there are less nicknames to choose from by shortening the name. This article also makes the distinction between nicknames and pet names, plus a variety of comments about how to handle nicknames issues.
And finally, Baby Naming Rule Number 12
Pick a Name Your Child Won’t Have to Spell Unless the Person Asking is Not Very Bright
Yes, I realize this is a duplicate of Baby Naming Rule Number 1, but it’s worth repeating. My daughter Megan had a classmate named Aaryn. It is pronounced Erin, but I guess the traditional spelling wasn’t creative enough, so Aaryn’s parents sentenced her to a lifetime of spelling her name. We can expect to spell our names at times throughout our lives no matter how “easy” it is; my name is Jim and sometimes customers at work ask how to spell it (though rarely). Intentionally giving a child an oddly spelled name, though, guarantees that they will have to spell it all the time. It’s simply inconsiderate.
Okay parents, I won’t be mad if you don’t follow my rules. But think about it. If you pick a name that follows all of my rules, you can set your child up for success. Pick a name that is easy to spell and pronounce, and that isn’t too odd, and your kid will have an easier life than Aadi or Saoirse, who will endure a lifetime sentence of having to spell or pronounce their name every day.